Tuesday, August 9, 2011

All Good Things Must Come To An End...

Monster has not nursed for 2 days. At all. He hasn't even asked.

For the past few months, I could tell he's been slowly weaning himself from breastfeeding. By 1 month ago, we were down to only nursing in the morning and bedtime. Somehow that turned into only nursing at bedtime, and only for about 2 minutes, tops. He'd then roll away from me and sign "all done" and I'd put him in his crib.

Well, I'd also been starting to feel weird about it in the past few weeks. I don't know why, but I started feeling almost impatient when he nursed. Like an "are you done yet?" sort of feeling, but I just always pushed it aside - I mean, he would only nurse for less than 5 minutes! How could I be getting impatient with that? But for whatever reason, I was. I no longer had the satisfied bonding feeling when he nursed. I never wanted to admit it to myself, but I was getting to the point of actaully wanting Monster to wean.

So back to 2 nights ago. Like normal, he didn't nurse in the morning when he first woke up. Diaper change, get dressed, then out to the kitchen for breakfast - and he asked for his cup of milk then. Totally normal now. But when bedtime rolled around, for whatever reason, I just never offered the breast. We took a bath, put on lotion & had some diaper-free time, then put on diaper & PJs, and got him his cup of milk which he drank while I read him a story. Once the story was done and his cup of milk was empty, we would normally go turn off his light, grab the boppy pillow, and he'd nurse for all of 1-2 minutes, before wanting to be put in his crib. But last night, after the story was read, we got up, turned off his light - and then walked over to his crib. I said a prayer, told him I loved him, gave him a kiss... and laid him in his crib. And that was that. He never even signed "milk", which he would do whenever he wanted to nurse.

I actually felt relieved that he didn't nurse - but guilty at the same time, because I didn't nurse my baby! But after telling Ben how I was struggling with my feeilngs, he reminded me that Monster never asked to nurse, either. So it's not like he was asking, and I just denied or ignored his asking. I simply didn't offer, and he didn't ask. Nothing to feel guilty about - we just both must be ready to be done. :(

It is a very bittersweet feeling. I am kinda glad to be done, and have my body to myself (for the next 4 months at least, haha!) and very proud that I was able to nurse Monster for 16.5 months. But it's another sign that he's growing up, and that special time between us is gone.

For those of you who breastfed your children - how long did you breastfeed? How did you feel when your kiddos weaned? Did you wean them, or did they wean themselves? Please share your experience!

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